It’s the final lap of a twelve-year international athletic career. With 200m to go, the 1,500m final at the Olympic Games could have been anyone’s. A nation watches with adrenaline, anticipation, and awe as one runner surges ahead of the pack at the top of the home straight. After just under four minutes of gruelling running at record pace, Kelly Holmes digs deep to sprint over the line first. In doing so she sets a British record and completes a historic double Olympic gold.

That Olympic triumph remains one of the most iconic moments in the history of British sport. Although she would later reveal that being in the national spotlight was uncomfortable for her, Holmes’ status as a national hero was crystallised.

The physical and mental fortitude that brought her professional success was developed in the army. Decades later, the now Colonel Dame Kelly Homes has had to dig deep again to find the mental and emotional strength to live free from the fear of her truth, and to campaign on behalf of others who have also faced a battle to simply be who they really are.

The military upbringing that conditioned her for success on the running track was also responsible for forcing her to run for decades from a personal truth…

A military mindset

Holmes excelled in sport from an early age and it quickly became a passion and part of her identity. On the cusp of 18, Holmes decided to pursue her dream of joining the army. Career-wise, ‘you could be anything in the army’; it offered purpose, community, and discipline. Reflecting upon the male-dominance of this world, Holmes credited it as shaping her into a strong-minded, mature, and ambitious woman. These skillsets would prove instrumental in helping her to excel in the athletic career she was simultaneously pursuing.

Out of twelve years of running, Holmes was afflicted by career-threatening injuries for seven of them. Maintaining resilience at this elite level entailed extreme highs and lows, both mentally and physically. In the absence of any mainstream mental health discourse, Holmes described her coping strategy as ‘hiding signs with makeup, and with getting on with it.’ This created a disjuncture between her internal world and her public persona, leading to a persistent battle trying to align both identities. She found solace in her team, which helped alleviate the pressure and isolation she felt through a sense of collective purpose. ‘By bringing people onside with your mission, and elevating their ability to be part of that journey and to exude excellence as well, together as a team you perform,’ she added.

Reflecting on her extraordinary athletic achievements, Holmes remarked: 

‘I do believe that if you have the will inside you, that you absolutely can live with that passion. That passion becomes more than just passion, it becomes you, it becomes your DNA, and you’re willing to fight for everything that you go through. If you pick yourself up and find a way of clawing your way, it will come to you.’

Since hanging up her spikes in 2005, Holmes has been a vocal advocate of mental health awareness and an international motivational speaker. In 2008 she founded the Dame Kelly Holmes Trust, which provides mentorship from world class athletes for young people in disadvantaged areas. Over the years the Trust has empowered hundreds of thousands of mentees to cultivate the mindsets and skills necessary to lead fulfilling and successful lives.

Outrunning the truth

Holmes’ tireless drive to help others, she confessed, served as a distraction from her personal struggles. During the pandemic, a severe episode of depression and burnout forced her to confront a battle she had been running from since her days in the army. Decades worth of internal conflict came to a head when she received a phone call to an army brigadier seeking approval to publicly tell her story.

“I’m a gay woman, but I’ve been unable to live my life authentically,” she explains in the ensuing documentary, released in June. She described her experience of being in the army whilst being homosexual in the armed forces was banned. The fear of her own authenticity that this environment instilled was something she carried throughout her athletic career, philanthropic work, and even after being made an Honorary Colonel in 2018. In June 2022 she took full ownership of her personal narrative.   

‘It doesn’t matter what fear we have in our lives, it’s debilitating because you pre-empt everything bad that can happen to you, everything waiting to explode because you don’t know how to release yourself. That was the life I lived for 34 years.’ 

Holmes described the liberating effect the documentary has had on her: ‘It’s transformed me. For the first time in my life over that past four months I’ve actually been happy.’

Her ability to be publicly vulnerable about her experience has created a platform for her to advocate LGBTQ+ rights. Currently she is working with Lord Etherton to assist in the independent review of the mistreatment of LGBT veterans. The culture of persecution a subsection of the Sexual Offences Act 1967 permitted created a ‘sliding door moment’ for thousands of soldiers serving the Crown. Whereas Holmes narrowly avoided exposure and went on to have an exceptionally successful career, many were not so fortunate. In addition to being court marshalled and oftentimes imprisoned, many victims suffered life-shattering physical and emotional abuse.  

The ambition for the review, which will be submitted to the government next May, is to achieve some form of restorative justice for those who suffered under the Act. Holmes’s campaigning has been celebrated by LGBTQ+ campaigners for drawing attention to the ongoing trauma caused by this institutionalised homophobia.

What was particularly striking whilst hearing Holmes speak was her unassailable drive towards realising her potential and helping others to follow suit. Her story is distinctly hers, but the deep authenticity and resilience she exhibits espouses a wisdom that deeply resonates in our collective age of uncertainty.